Discover What You Really Need

8-Part Series:

How To Get Rid Of Bad Habits Now!

Part 1:

Discover What You Really Need

Do you have a hidden addiction that is stealing your life away?

Have you heard of the great Houdini?

As a young boy, I loved reading about him. Houdini was probably the most famous escape artist in the world. I’m not sure if the story I’m about to tell you is part legend and part history, but I find it utterly fascinating.

Houdini boasted he could escape any jail cell in less than an hour. One day, a small town in the British Isles built a new jail cell and they were proud of it. “Come give us a try,” they said to Houdini, and he agreed.

He walked into the prison cell bristling with confidence. After all, he had done this hundreds of times before.

Once the jail cell was closed, Houdini took off his coat and went to work. From his belt, he got a flexible but tough ten-inch piece of steel. He knelt in front of the door and started working on the lock.

At the end of 30 minutes, his confident expression had disappeared.

At the end of an hour, he was drenched with perspiration.

After two hours and totally exhausted, Houdini literally collapsed against the door. And the force of his weight was enough to push the door open!

Because in reality, the door had never been locked.

It was locked only in one place: In his own mind.

This meant only one thing. It was firmly locked.

Because whatever your mind says is locked—is locked.

Even if it isn’t.

You Can Be Free!

Friend, you can get rid of your bad habits.

You can be free from your addictions.

The Bible says, you have been called to live in freedom.[1]

I should know. I’m a recovering sex addict—jailed in compulsive pornography and sexual fantasies for years. Yes, even as I was serving God and preaching. Like Houdini, I tinkered with the “lock” of my jail cell and lost hope because I couldn’t unlock the door. (For my full story, read my book, Your Past Does Not Define Your Future. You can get it at www.shepherdsvoice.com.ph I’m making an audio book and E-book of this same book very soon.)

One day, I had a powerful realization. I discovered that the door wasn’t locked—except in my mind. I realized that at any time, I could push hard and the door would swing open—and I could simply walk out. And stay out!

And that’s what I did.

My friend, you can get rid of your addictions.

Here’s the truth: 70% of people get rid of their own addictions on their own. You see, there is no ONE singular way to get out of an addiction. There are many ways to get rid of your destructive bad habits. (We will examine all these ways in awhile.)

But before I explain them, let me answer a very important question.

What Is An Addiction Anyway?

I try to avoid technical words (my brain freezes up), so let me share with you my simple definition of an addiction. It’s any action that (1) you do repeatedly, (2) can’t stop doing, and (3) that’s harmful to your life.

Let me tell you a story my golfing friends like to tell. They say golfers love their golf more than anything else in the world…

One day, two guys were playing golf on a sunny day. In the distance, they saw a funeral car pass by—with a train of cars following it.

One of the golfers stops playing. He bows his head for a moment of silence.

The other golfer was very impressed. He said to his golfing partner, “Wow, I didn’t know you’re religious.”

“Not really,” said the other golfer, resuming his putting. “After all, I was married to that woman for 28 years.”

There’s nothing wrong with golf. It’s a healthy sport. But that widower was clearly addicted to it.

All of us agree that alcoholism, drug addiction, and compulsive gambling are serious forms of addictions. But I’m sure that most of us reading this article don’t have these more obvious addictions. But what about hidden addictions? They too destroy our life and the lives of our loved ones…

Do You Have A Hidden Addiction?

Here’s a list of common hidden addictions that harm us…

· “I eat compulsively”

This is the Number One way we try to feel better. I know of someone who eats at the slightest discomfort of life. If she’s angry, she eats. If she’s depressed, she eats. If she’s anxious, she eats. The truth however is that she isn’t really hungry for food. She is hungry for something else. Unless she sees this, she will continue snacking and pigging out, endangering her health.

· “I eat too much sweets, ice cream, chocolates”

I listed this separately just to impress upon you that chocolates is the Number One “Quick Fix” that people crave for when they are going through painful emotions. When a choco-addict feels hurt, or sad, or angry, or worried, she’ll spontaneously reach for her stash of choco bars. She has them on her desk, in the Ref, on her bedside table, and in her bag—for those “just in case” emergencies. Again, there’s nothing wrong with sweets. (I love dark chocolate and ice cream.) But in excess, it’s harmful. More importantly, you won’t address the real, deep hunger inside you if you keep popping candies in our mouth.

· “I go yo-yo dieting”

A few years ago, my friends were crazy about the “After Six” diet. And then, “Atkins” took over the dieting crowd. Soon, “No Carb!” became the battle cry of millions of women. After that, “South Beach” conquered the world by storm. (My friend says that he’s into the “North Park” diet. For a moment, I thought he was serious, until I realized that his favorite Chinese restaurant was named North Park.)

Personally, I don’t believe in quick diets. I believe in changing one’s eating habits permanently. I believe in changing one’s lifestyle forever—not just for 10 days or 30 days or 3 months. That means eating right and exercise.

By the way, the thin-like-a-broomstick super models found in Fashion magazines comprise only 3% of the world’s population. So I presume 97% of those reading this article have a body structure that resembles clunky vacuum cleaners rather than broomsticks. And it’s okay! You see, the goal is not to look like these super models and weigh less. The goal is to love your body (no matter what body structure you have) and be healthy inside and out. If you don’t watch it, dieting can be an addiction, and its severe form is the next item I’ll discuss.

· “I starve myself”

I met a young girl who was exceedingly thin. She was so thin, she could stand sideways and be invisible. Yet when I talked to her, she told me, “Uncle Bo, I’m so fat!” She grabs her reed-like arm, touches non-existent fat, and says, “See?” This young woman has Anorexia Nervosa. Starving herself (to death) is the only way she can control her seemingly uncontrollable life. Bulimia on the other hand is when a person gorges himself with food and vomits it all out. I know of others who are addicted to dieting pills and are harming their bodies.

· “I shop too much and have buying binges”

Lots and lots of women shop to feel better. They feel happy, beautiful, and alive when they buy a new shoe, a new stocking, a new blouse, a new perfume, a new watch… But if this is done repetitively and excessively, it’s a destructive habit. Do you want to know if you’re a shopaholic? Check your house. Is it full of stuff that you don’t use? Count how many shoes you have. Do you have 30 pairs that you haven’t used in a year? Do you have as many bags that you also haven’t used in a year? Many people are drowning in debt because they can’t control their shopping. In reality, deep within, a shopaholic isn’t looking for “something”. There’s an emptiness that can’t be filled up by a dress, a scarf, a bracelet, or a new pair of high heels. Ultimately, they’re looking for something they can’t buy.

· “I compulsively smoke”

Today, I see a lot of young people sitting in Coffee Shops—but instead of sitting inside where there’s air-conditioning, they sit outside under the sweltering heat of the Philippine sun—because they want to smoke. Isn’t that absurd? Today, I also see young people standing outside their offices during their breaks—again underneath the hot sun and breathing in the pollution of our smoke-belching buses—because they want to smoke. I tell you, it’s illogical. But like the golfer in my story above, addicts don’t think logically anymore. Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances in the world today. It’s a chemical that gets into your brain and at the first inhale, fights fatigue, suppresses appetite, and lifts your mood. It’s been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that smoking can cause lung cancer, painful emphysema, bad breath, ugly teeth, dark lips, but to a smoker, who cares?

· “I get angry, yell too often, and throw temper tantrums”

For a rage-aholic, anger is his all-around tool. He uses it for every situation. It’s the only tool he knows how to use. When he’s afraid, he gets angry. When he’s worried, he gets angry. When he’s sad, he gets angry.

I compare anger to a hammer. Using anger for everything is as silly as using the hammer for sewing a shirt, drawing water, healing a wound, and cooking food. It simply won’t work. If you need to sew a shirt, you need a needle, not a hammer. If you need to draw water, you need a pail, not a hammer.

Because of this, anger-addicts are ineffective parents, spouses, friends, and business partners. Some of them argue too much, pick petty fights, and leave a trail of broken relationships. Others are more quiet and demure outside their homes because they bottle up their anger with their friends and in their workplace, but unleash their toxic anger on their kids.

· “I complain a lot”

It’s a silly bad habit. (But come to think of it, what bad habits aren’t silly?) You fill the room with your negativity. More importantly, you fill your life with negativity. And it attracts more of it, so you multiply the stuff you can complain about. Believe me, no one would like to be with a complainer except fellow complainers.

· “I worry too much”

God gave us the ability to panic for emergency situations where we need to act quickly. But for a worry-addict, almost every situation is an emergency situation. So throughout the day, she’s in constant panic mode. If the anger-addict person uses the hammer for everything, the worry-addict uses a needle for everything. She “needles” every situation, looking for what may go wrong, always imagining how everything will go wrong. And because our fears are powerful, we end up creating the imaginary monsters into existence.

· “I drink too much coffee (or cola).”

I know a human being (yes, he’s a human being) who drinks 10 cups of coffee every single day. My other friend drinks 6 cans of diet cola every single day. Because it’s diet, she argues that it’s no longer bad for her. I told her that because she’s drinking too much artificial sweeteners, she may end up with artificial diabetes. I was kidding, but I still think it’s not a wise thing to do.

· “I sleep too much”

Naps are great for your health. But you know, sleep has become an addiction. Usually, too much sleep is a sign of depression or being overwhelmed by our problems. These people don’t want to wake up in the morning. And during the day, they want to crawl back in bed, under their covers, shielding themselves from the seemingly hostile world around them.

· “I watch too much TV”

Telenovelas should be watched in moderation. But the problem is that Telenovelas are designed to be addicting. They always end with great cliff-hangers: The child will finally know who his real father is, or the young woman will now find out if she’s pregnant or not, or the man will finally meet the man who killed his mother 20 years ago…

Studies suggest that if you sit down in front of the TV set for 3 hours each day instead of spending time with your spouse or your kids or other endeavors, there is a probability that one is addicted. (I’m talking of normal, active people who have jobs, families, etc., not aged, bedridden, or sick people.) Another sign that you may be addicted is if you have a fantasy relationship with some stars you watch on TV. This is normal for kids, but not very normal for adults.

· “I clean the house compulsively”

I know a mother who cleans her house the way nuns clean their convents, except that she does the work of 15 nuns all by herself.

When I visited her home, I discovered everything was polished, sparkling, and perfectly clean. I wondered if germs thought twice of stepping on her floor because it was too clean.

She’d spend the entire day scrubbing floors, washing curtains, dusting furniture, and picking up after her kids.

Everything was in order. Even the kids had to be clean and pretty all day. (I pitied the kids.) Why was she like this? Because if the house wasn’t perfect, she felt people will talk against her. Bottom line, she was a very insecure person. In reality, I felt that she wanted to clean something inside her, but couldn’t, so she just went about cleaning her house instead.

· “I compulsively lust”

One day, a young father of two kids confessed to me that he watches 2 to 3 hours of internet porn a day. He says he has to wake up at 1am, while his wife was sleeping, to watch his pornography. “I hate it, Bo. I hate what it’s doing to me. I wake up groggy the next day and curse myself for doing it. But I can’t seem to stop…” I told him, “I know exactly what you feel. I experienced that too, except that back in my day, we had no internet. I would wake up at 1am to open my porn magazines. If I had none, I would walk out on the streets and search for them.” But I told him that I got out of it, and so can he. Anyone can. This is the reason for this 8-Part series of articles.

· “I work too hard”

Working hard is good. But when your family and your health suffer, you automatically know that it’s an addiction. The problem with workaholism is that it’s rewarded. People pat us on the back and tell us that we’re dedicated, loyal, and industrious. We get bonuses. We get promoted.

Let me tell you a very sad story. There was one popular Christian leader who travelled the world expanding his ministry for the poor. One day, his wife called him up and said, “Come home immediately. Your daughter committed suicide.” Thankfully, it was a failed attempt. But instead of going home that day, he instead went to Vietnam to continue his ministry work. A few years later, that daughter committed suicide again—and succeeded. This Christian leader died years later, fired by his own ministry leaders, estranged from his wife and children. His mistake was that he was addicted to his work.

· There are many other hidden addictions.

Compulsive gossip. Phone calls every hour of the day. Daily trips to the beauty parlor. Even religious addiction—for people whose families are breaking apart because they spend their entire time in church. Etcetera.

Why Do We Have Addictions Anyway?

From a superficial perspective, addictions provide an escape so you won’t feel your painful feelings.

And what are these painful feelings?

· Hurt: “I feel rejected.”

· Depression: “I feel low”; “I feel old”; “I feel ugly”; “I feel fat”

· Despair: “I feel my life is meaningless”

· Guilt: “I feel I’m bad”; “I feel I can’t meet the needs of my husband/kids”

· Anxiety: “I feel worried that bad things will happen”

· Fear: “I feel afraid that I will get hurt”

· Hate: “I feel angry at myself”; “I feel angry at others”

· Shame: “I feel I’m not worthy to even exist”

Let me share to you my own personal experience.

For years, the predominant feeling that ruled my life was shame.

I didn’t know it was shame. I got so used to this feeling, I thought it was part of life. I would wake up with this “bad” feeling already. All I knew was that I felt extremely sad. And my thoughts were always about my mistakes—real and imagined. Like a guy who only played one DVD in his DVD player, and did nothing else except press the “rewind” button, I simply paraded my past mistakes before me. And then I’d imagine how this person doesn’t like me, how that person is angry at me, how this person is rejecting me. And I would feel “it” in my gut. It was my constant companion, never leaving me.

Years later, I finally identified what I felt. It was shame.

I was ashamed that I existed. I was ashamed that I was alive.

Can you imagine waking up each morning with this feeling?

That was my life.

And so to escape my shame, I drowned myself in testosterone. I got into Porn. At least, these girls were smiling and disrobing to me. They must like me. My sexual fantasies were the same—these women were attracted to me.

For a moment, my shame disappeared.

But, after indulging in porn and masturbating, my shame deepened.

How could I, a servant of God, do such a thing?

But I kept doing it for years.

I threw myself into work—work that would make the world like me. My approval addiction was even more powerful than my sex addiction.

But twenty years ago, I took my first steps towards healing. It was a long journey. (If you want to read the full story, you can read my book, Your Past Does Not Define Your Future. It’s available at www.shepherdsvoice.com.ph. I’m making an audio book and E-book of this same book very soon.)

What Is Your Core Need?

At the bottom of all addictions is this statement: “I don’t love myself.”

At the core of an addict’s heart is an empty Love Tank.

Every addiction is a hunger for love.

He doesn’t like himself.

He doesn’t value himself.

He doesn’t love himself.

That is why I believe that only love can heal an addiction.

How Do You Get Rid Of Addictions?

There is no one way to do it.

But why do these various ways work? All of these work as long as they fill up our Love Tank. Once our Love Tank is filled, we realize we don’t belong to the jail cell and stay out.

Here are some of the ways of pushing that jail door…

· Spontaneous Maturity

There are people who got rid of their bad habits by growing up emotionally. In their younger years, they took drugs and abused alcohol. As they grew older, got married, and had kids, their self-identity changed. They kicked their addictions and grew in self-confidence. Somehow, their Love Tanks were filled in the process.

Not all experience this maturity. I know of a 56-year old man who’s been taking drugs for 40 years now. Marriage didn’t change him. Kids didn’t change him.

· Spiritual Conversion

My friend Tim is a classic story of spiritual conversion that healed his addictions. After attending a Life in the Spirit Seminar, he stopped smoking and drinking the very day of the Seminar—cold turkey. Prior to that day, Tim was a heavy smoker and drinker for 30 years. What happened on that day? Aside from the power of God, he felt these vices no longer fit his new identity. He saw himself as God’s son, no longer an alcoholic or smoker. Emotionally, he liked the new Tim. Ultimately, God’s love filled his Love Tank.

However, not all people who go through our Seminars experience this instant freedom. And like everyone else under the sun, even Tim continues to battle other hidden addictions. So what else can we do?

· “Go Back to Your Past” Psychology

I’m going to commit a crime. (Forgive me.) This is terribly simplistic, but I believe psychology is divided into two major camps—those who believe healing comes from the past and those who believe healing come from the present. I know it’s more complicated than this but let’s imagine it’s not.

Followers of Sigmund Freud are in the first camp. They’ll insist that for you to get free from your addictions, you need to go back to your past and deal with your unresolved issues. To do that, you need a trained psychotherapist to listen to you as you explore your unhealed wounds.

I used to believe that this is the only way to really help a person change.

Not anymore. My belief is now more nuanced.

Personally, I believe that psychotherapy works, and it’s NOT because of the brilliant, earth-shaking insights that one derives from psychotherapy. (These insights help, but I don’t think they’re key to our healing.) Instead, I believe psychotherapy works because of something quite simple: That another human being is listening to you—and that human connection fills up your Love Tank.

Why do I believe so? From experience, when another human being listens to you, doesn’t judge you, and loves you, you get healed.

That’s why Christian Psychologist Larry Crabb says that the Christian Church should be the best place of healing in the world. Why? Because it should be the most loving place on earth—where listening, acceptance, and respect is practiced. (Two “shoulds” that aren’t happening!)

I still believe that “Go Back To Your Past” Psychology is great for diagnosis. But there lies its weakness. Now that I know my sickness, how will I heal it? After I found out that because I was sexually molested at age 8 and 13, I was more open to sex addiction, now what? The question remains the same—how do I cure it? I still had to deal with my present reality. And here lies the strength of the second division of psychology…

· “Deal With The Present” Psychology

The other “division” of psychology doesn’t believe that this “unearthing of the past” is the key to healing. It helps, but isn’t essential to healing. Instead, they believe that the real cure is dealing with the NOW. For example, Reality Therapy pioneered by Dr. William Glasser helps people identify what they want in life and practice their power of choice.

The entire Positive Thinking genre made popular by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale falls in this category. Even NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is included here. And many more. These approaches believe that by changing your present thinking and acting upon your choices, you change your life.

· 12-Step Group Approach

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and the entire recovery movement have touched millions of people. Today, you can almost be sure that there’s a support group out there for your addiction, whatever it may be. From Narcotics Anonymous to Sex-Addicts Anonymous, from Food Addicts Anonymous to Shopaholics Anonymous. Some of its most staunch practitioners believe it’s the ONLY way to help people, which again, I disagree. But when it does work, why does it work? Sorry for saying this again, but I believe that the program helps you fill up your Love Tank. The effort you give in attending meetings are baby steps towards recovery, making you gain self-confidence. The power of a loving community surrounding you fills you with love as well.

· Practical Approach

A friend of mine stopped smoking by jogging, sucking menthol candies after meals, and staying away from smoker friends. His wife and kids were also very supportive. He swears by this route, and I don’t doubt him. I think every time he took a baby step towards his goal, he felt good about himself. This feeling translated in greater self-respect, which meant that his Love Tank was getting filled-up.

· My Approach? All of the Above!

In other words, I believe in the Spiritual-Psychological-Positive-Group-Practical Approach. Because I will use anything that will fill up a person’s Love Tank.

Walk Towards Your Freedom Now

For the longest time, you’ve been in a prison cell.

You’re tired. You’re desperate.

You’ve been tinkering with that impossible lock on the door.

But in reality, there is no lock.

You think there’s a lock, but there’s none.

You’ve been deceived. Cheated.

The lock is in your mind, not in the door.

What is that lock in your mind?

I call it your “homing instinct”. That means an unconscious part of you would like to stay in that dirty prison because you’ve become used to it. It’s been your home for years. Something within you—the defeated you, the failed you, the unloved you—wants to go back to that dungeon. A part of you feels that’s what you deserve. This drive within you is called the “homing” instinct. Hurting people recreate their home, no matter how painful those homes were.

But as you fill up your Love Tank, as you value yourself more and as you receive love from God and others, you realize that you deserve a new home. You realize that you don’t belong there anymore. With a full Love Tank, your “homing” instinct no longer drives you to your past home. Instead, it drives you to your future home. You begin to develop a “vision” instinct.

I’ll discuss more on this in the next parts of this series.

I remain your friend,

Bo Sanchez

PS. This is an 8-Part Series on How To Get Rid Of Bad Habits Now! which will appear here in my website. You may want to read my story on how I got healed from my inner wounds and addiction, entitled Your Past Does Not Define Your Future. You can order my book through www.shepherdsvoice.com.ph (I’m making an audio book and E-book of this same book and it will be available very soon.)

PS2. I’m mailing a FREE Novena To God’s Love Prayer Booklet to all my friends who give a monthly Love Offering to our ministry through www.KerygmaFamily.com I made the Novena To God’s Love myself. It’s designed to focus on 7 Dreams that you’re going to pray for and act upon. (If you’re not yet a member of www.KerygmaFamily.com, log on here now!)

 

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[1] Galatians 5:13

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My Core Belief: We Don’t Have A Clue How Great We Already Are And How Great We Can Become.

Surprise! I’ve changed my website. No more photos. No more colors. No more distractions. I’ve stripped it bare and decided to focus on the meat of the matter: Article after article after article, I want this to be your ultimate source for practical soulfood for successful people on the internet universe. This simple yet massive website is filled to the brim, overflowing the best down-to-earth, inspirational articles you can ever find.

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My dear friend, I prophesy to you…

• Spiritually, you’ll grow closer to God.


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Major Topics To Make You Grow

You will be inspired. And you will be taught the steps to change and grow in every area of your life. “Practical” means it’s going to be down-to-earth. It’s action-oriented. Yes, I will tell you to get off your butt and change your life.

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• Family Life: How to strengthen your marriage and raise your kids


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• Single Life: How to find your one true love and prepare for marriage


• Time Management: How to accomplish much more and still achieve balance


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Help Me Preach My Talks—And You’ll Get The Preacher’s Blessing!

You’ve Been My Audience; Will You Be My Research Team Too?

I don’t want to be selfish.

I want to share with you the blessings that I receive as a Preacher.

People don’t know this, but when I preach, the person who gets the most blessed is the preacher himself. Why? Because I spend enormous amounts of time studying, reflecting, and rehearsing my talk. Because of this, I don’t only listen to the talk, I also munch on it, chew it, and digest it more. So the chance that I apply these truths in my life is greater.

Today, I ask myself, “With the power of the internet in our hands, why is preaching still a one-way street?” It shouldn’t be. You can help me give these talks! And in the process, share the blessings I receive as a Preacher.

So I’m writing down here the summaries of new Teaching Series for the weekly FEASTs for July, August, and September 2007, entitled How To Get Rid Of Bad Habits Now. It will be a powerful teaching series because all of us have bad habits! So when you join the weekly FEAST at Valle Verde Country Club (Beside ULTRA), Pasig every Sunday at 9:00am, you’ll hear a better talk!

If you live abroad or in the provinces, you can catch these talks either by (1) ordering the Audio CD or DVD, (2) watching it on ABC 5 every Tuesday at 10:30pm, or (3) watching it on www.preacherinbluejeans.com Ultimately, you’ll find these truths in book form—and together, we’ll bless millions of people.

Read the topics. I prepared a “head, heart, and hand” goal for each talk. “Head” means what I want you to learn, “heart” means what I want you to feel during the talk, and “hand” means what I want you to do after the talk.

Next: Write on the comments box below short (nothing longer than 8 sentences) personal testimonies, stories, jokes, quotations, analogies, skits, popular song lyrics or popular movie scenes that will help explain or expound any of the talks below.

Thanks for being my Research Consultants!

Listen to these talks at the weekly FEAST in Valle Verde Country Club (Beside UlTRA), Pasig, every Sunday at 9:00am. We’ve got people who go there each week from as far Laguna, Cavite, and Bulacan. Because they go where the blessing flows!

I remain your friend,

Bo Sanchez

PS. If you haven’t joined the www.kerygmafamily.com, you’re missing a lot of blessings too. I send my partners a mountain of spiritual nourishment. Log on there now!

Series Title:

How To Get Rid Of Bad Habits Now!

Jul 22 Talk 1: Discover What You Really Need

Head: To learn that addictions are symptoms of deeper love needs

Heart: To feel the hunger of love within—and feel loved

Hand: To seek help from God and others to meet our love needs

Summary:

Destructive bad habits or addictions are symptoms of deeper needs. Specifically, love needs. Meeting these deeper love needs will free us the urgency of our addictions. If not, we may be jumping from one addiction to another. How does one meet our deepest love needs? Receive God’s love, receiving love from the people around us, and radically loving ourselves. When we meet our love needs, we quiet the throbbing ache within that fuels our addictions. They no longer become compelling or urgent as they used to.

Jul 29 Talk 2: Focus On The Ambition And Not The Addiction

Head: Learn to work on a dream, not merely fight the bondage

Heart: Feel hope that you can get out of this addiction

Hand: Create a dream and take the first step towards it

Summary:

Tell yourself 10x, “I will not think of a pink elephant.” (Try it.) Guess what you’re thinking of right now? A pink elephant. What you focus on grows. So if you focus on your addiction, you make it grow. Telling yourself “I will not smoke” 100x will make you think of smoking 100x. Instead, you need to focus on a dream of your healthy body jogging on the hills under the blue sky. We need to create a dream, an ambition, and focus. Doing so, we build self-esteem, self-respect, and fill our love needs.

Aug 5 Talk 3: Love The Sinner And The Saint Within

Head: Learn to forgive oneself and see beauty within

Heart: Feel happy after being released from self-anger

Hand: Forgive oneself

Summary:

Many addictions come from self-hatred. (Again, a love need that isn’t met.) To heal our addiction, we need to heal our self-hatred. We need to accept our past, embrace our weaknesses, and forgive our sins. Indeed, we need to forgive ourselves the way God forgives us—total and absolute! Aside from that, we also need to celebrate our strengths and bless the world.

Aug 12 Very Special Talk

Aug 19 Talk 4: Create A New Outer World

Head: Learn what needs to be removed, what needs to be added in our life

Heart: Feel the power one has to design our outer world

Hand: Design one’s outer world

Summary:

We’ve heard this statement before: “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” We are influenced by our environment. But instead of resigning ourselves to the external powers around us, we must also acknowledge this powerful truth--That we can influence our environment. (Yes, we have the power to choose our friends.) We need to create a new world that will make us reach our dream and free us from our bondages. That means designing the best relationships, schedules, jobs, recreation, TV shows, music, and everything else in our outer world.

Aug 26 Talk 5: Redefine Yourself

Head: Learn what “labels” need to be removed, what need to be added

Heart: Feel the power that one can create new labels for oneself

Hand: Create new labels

Summary:

We become the labels we give ourselves. The problem with many labels is they are unconscious. For example, some addicts unconsciously define themselves as weak, failures, monsters, evil, monsters--and so they become the these labels they give themselves. We need to learn to give ourselves new labels based on our true identity in God. If we know the truth, it will set us free.

Sep 2 Talk 6: Correct Your Faith

Head: Learn that distorted theology can worsens one’s addictions

Heart: Feel the joy of being released from a wrong theology

Hand: Create a more accurate theology

Summary:

Distorted theology has helped lock many people in their addictions. What is distorted theology? A wrathful, vengeful God who is preoccupied with your sinfulness. (Our love need for God’s love isn’t met.) Or a religion that defines holiness as saying NO to all our needs, even legitimate, valid ones. (Our love need for self-love isn’t met.) Or a pessimistic view towards human beings as sinful, instead of focusing on our inner beauty. (Our labels tend to be pessimistic as well.) We need to identify these distorted beliefs and overhaul them.

Sep 9 Talk 7: Take Charge!

Head: Learn to stop blaming and take responsibility

Heart: Feel the power of taking responsibility

Hand: Select one area where he needs to stop blame

Summary:

When we blame, we lose our power to change our lives. Addicts are experts in blame. Unless we learn to take responsibility, our walk to freedom will be slow. What does it mean to take responsibility? By taking baby steps. How does one eat an elephant? One bite at a time. By growing in small victories, we gain strength to win bigger ones.

Sep 16 Talk 8: Fire All Engines (Conclusion)

Head: Learn all the elements that can help free us from addiction

Heart: Feel hope and joy that one can indeed be free

Hand: Choose to work on one of these elements

Summary:

There is no one specific way to overcome an addiction. In fact, surveys suggest that there may be 70% who overcome their bondages on their own, without any help from an Alcoholics Anonymous group or therapy or counselling. (Some of those 70% received their freedom when they joined a prayer meeting.) But it’s also true that lasting change can only happen when we actually work on making ourselves grow. To summarize the entire teaching series, we shall again revisit the various elements necessary for making healing lasting and permanent.

Instructions: Write your inputs below to explain or expound any of the talks above. As much as possible, make it below 8 sentences. Any personal testimonies, stories, jokes, quotations, analogies, skits, popular song lyrics or popular movie scenes…

 

The Dad Who Brought Me Out For Pizza

My Father Did Many Things, But I Will Always Remember Him As…

The Dad Who Brought Me Out For Pizza

By Bo Sanchez

My Dad is gone.

My hero. My mentor. Gone.

An hour before he died, I gently brushed my hand on his grey hair. I looked at his tired face, his wrinkled hands, the tubes attached to his arm—and something in me told me his time was up. He wanted to go home. I prayed a blessing on him. An hour later, he quietly died in his sleep.

Friends, this should have happened eleven years ago…

God Gave Him A Long Extension

Eleven years ago, my father was fixing a light bulb in our garage. He stood on a bench, reached for it, and lost his balance. He came crashing down, the back of his head hitting the concrete floor. We rushed him to the hospital. Soon, he lost control of his limbs. I can still vividly recall that scene when my father, a strong man, was coming down the steps with my two sisters almost carrying him down. He couldn’t move his legs anymore. Through brain scans, the doctors saw three blood clots in his brain. Soon, they said, he would die because of them. They performed two brain surgeries on him. He stayed in the ICU for three months. We almost lost him to severe pneumonia.

But miracle of miracles, he slowly recovered from the grip of death…

God granted him a second life.

To Teach Us To Love More

That was eleven years ago—And how I enjoyed those eleven years!

Yes, he could no longer work or serve the church or community. He could no longer talk clearly. Just garbled words. His eyesight became very bad. And the emotional center in his brain was also damaged, so he became erratic and sometimes acted like a child. He was a mere shadow of who he was.

But for those eleven years, it was so easy to make him smile. All I had to do was bring him out to a cheap Japanese restaurant. He loved his sashimi in wasabe sauce. During this period in his life, eating out with his family was the only thing that made him happy.

For eleven years, I embraced him everytime we met—something I didn’t do before his accident. For eleven years, I always said, “I love you, Dad”. For eleven years, I was in charge of cutting his fingernails and toenails—something I loved to do (and would miss doing.)

I believe one of the reasons why God extended his life for eleven years more was so that we could learn how to love more. That was his last assignment from above.

And then it was time to say good-bye…

His Last Breath

Two weeks, Mom noticed he was getting weaker. She said that he had a hard time climbing the stairs to the Light of Jesus Community Prayer Room right beside his home—a place he frequented twice a day, morning and evening. (For the past 20 years, the Blessed Sacrament has been exposed there, 24 hours a day, and Dad and Mom were up there communing with God each day.)

Seven days ago, because of this growing weakness, he fell on his way up his bedroom, his forehead crashing on the wooden steps. A doctor from the community came to suture his deep wound—12 stitches in all. He went through two brain scans but doctors only saw an old blood clot from eleven years ago. Still, as each day progressed, we observed he was getting weaker.

Four days ago, he could hardly get up from his bed.

When we brought him to the hospital the two days ago, he slept most of the time.

And this morning, an hour after midnight, he breathed his last.

Dad was 88 years old.

Would You Follow A 13-Year Old Boy?

Oh, there are many things that I could say of my father.

For example, for 16 years, Dad served in the Light of Jesus Community as one of the Elders, until his accident forced him to resign.

And whatever group Dad joined, whether it was the Homeowners Association or the Parish Council, he’d always be chosen as the Treasurer. Because he looked so honest. And he truly was. Because of this, he also took care of the finances of our Community. He labored that every single centavo be accounted for. (I believe the reason why we remain strong to this day was because our finances have been above reproach—a legacy he leaves behind.)

More than all this, I believe he was one of the most humble men I knew.

Who among you would follow your 13-year-old boy?

Ever since I started preaching at 13, he sat at the audience listening to me preach. And when we founded Light of Jesus Community when I was but 14, he agreed that I become its Presiding Elder and he only one of its Elders. Though Dad was still the leader in the home, he followed my leadership in community. Dad was Assistant Vice President of San Miguel Corporation and held an MBA degree from the University of the Philippines. Why would he follow his little boy? But he did so because he believed that God anointed me to lead.

All through theses years, he was content in his role as my main supporter.

I remember one day, he pulled me aside and said, “Bo, you have a gift of proclaiming God’s Word. I don’t have that gift. I wish I had it. If I had it, I would preach everyday. Bo, you have that gift. Use it. Use it everyday.”

When I was young, I had crazy ideas. One day, I told the Community to surrender their attachments to God. So in one prayer meeting, people surrendered their jewellery, clothes, and TV sets to God. Dad gave up our sala set, the most beautiful furniture we had, sold it and gave the proceeds to the Community. Yes, no matter how crazy my ideas were, he supported me.

He Brought Me Out To Pizza

But if you were to ask me what I most remember Dad for, I will say, “He brought me out for pizza.”

Dad spent enormous time with me.

Each day, when I was a young boy, we’d jog together. He wasn’t a great jogger mind you. All he did was jog around his car a few times. After the jog, he’d sit down and I’d sit on his lap—and we’d read the paper together. Not the front page, or the business section, or the sports page—but the comics page. He’d read it for me and explain why it was funny. Every single day. As a boy, I remember looking forward to spending time with him each night.

And every Saturday afternoon, he’d say, “Bo, let’s go out”. We’d go for a pizza. A hotdog-on-a-stick. A bag of peanuts. An ice cream cone. We’d also go to a toy store, play with the toys together without buying a single thing. I didn’t mind. My hands may have been empty but my heart was filled with Dad’s love.

He knew I loved pizza.

So when Shakeys opened for the first time in the Philippines, he said he’d bring me there. The problem was that it opened in faraway Angeles, Pampangga. But to him, that was no problem at all. He drove me there just so that I could eat pizza.

It’s true. At the end of one’s life, you’re not remembered by your great achievements. The house you built. The job you had. The money you earned.

At the end of your life, you’ll be remembered by how you loved in small ways. Whether you brought your son for pizza or not.

My father did.

I remain your friend,

Bo Sanchez

PS. Here’s a letter I wrote to Dad.

Dad, I’ll miss you.

I’ll miss cutting your fingernails and toenails.

I’ll miss our hugs together.

Dad, thank you for loving me in the way only you could have done.

You supported me in my work as a Preacher and Leader. No matter how crazy my ideas were, you were there behind me. Thank you for believing in me so much.

Dad, thank you for spending time with me when I was a little boy.

Thank you for letting me sit on your lap, reading the Comics page for me each night. Thank you for bringing me to the toy store. Thank you for the hotdog. The ice cream cone. The pizza.

Hey, your back. The man before the accident. This time, perfected.

You can see beautifully again. All the colors, the beauty, the brightness.

You can talk clearly again—no longer the jumbled words you spoke for 11 years.

You can work again. (Do they need your accounting skills there?)

You can jog again.

Welcome back Dad.

I love you!

PS2. Dad was the one who inspired me to start preaching through media. (He was the one who told me to start Kerygma magazine.) If you want to know more about the ministry that Dad and I started, you can log onto www.kerygmafamily.com and be a member of the KerygmaFamily. When you join, you’ll be spiritually nourished each day!

PS3. Don’t miss a Sunday Blessing! Join the weekly FEAST every Sunday, 9am, at Valle Verde Country Club (Beside the ULTRA), Pasig, for Sunday Mass, lively worship, powerful preaching by Bo Sanchez, and prayers of blessing and healing. Go to where the blessings flow!